Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
