nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
