I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
