I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
