he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
