remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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