Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
A bitchslap is in order.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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