so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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