Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
