i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
