Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
