Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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