did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
