Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Sober January is a disaster.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
