someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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