is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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