Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
