Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
