Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
