I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
