I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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