Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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