maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
