There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
