There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
