He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
