Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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