My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
