I think I died a long time ago.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
