Jerry, you need to find god
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
