Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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