I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
