Dual....:-)
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
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