this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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