So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
