lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
