I cannot find my penis.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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