Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
