I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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