Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
