It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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