There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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