you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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