return my video game
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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