my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
