Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
ok first of all what the fuck
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
