Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
