is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
