no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
last night I used snow as a chaser
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
