if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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