The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
