At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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